you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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