Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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