M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
