So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
