What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
