Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
