So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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