we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
