i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
