Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
