My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
