you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
