My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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