What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
