idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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