I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
