Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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