Umm I'm too high to move.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
