he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
