Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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