he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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