lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
