Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
