at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
