I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
