I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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