I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
