Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
