Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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