I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
