Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
