I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
