I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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