I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
