When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
