Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
