i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
