Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
