I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
