Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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