Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
