so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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