Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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