I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
