i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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