Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
