ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
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