My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I deserve this hangover.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
