How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
