somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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