So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
