I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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