You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
