She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
