I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
