he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
