Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
