At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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