let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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