I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
