Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
