Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
