Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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