Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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